Verbatim
Verbatims may be submitted to thenassauweekly@gmail.com.
Overheard over Fall Break:
February 18, 2017
Nass sophomore: I feel like Anne Boleyn would have loved Ivy.
Overheard in Butler:
February 18, 2017
Disgraced (former) Nass Business Manager: Do you think a horse would even feel a human’s dick inside it?
Overheard in Frist:
February 18, 2017
Sophomore boy: Took her to Mehek, ate out her fuckin’ asshole.
Overheard over Fall Break:
February 18, 2017
Suburban mom: He wasn’t necessarily gay. He was just making a statement.
Overheard at a Pregame:
February 18, 2017
Press Club member, with iPhone flashlight on: Sorry I was just looking at how many calories are in a beer.
Overheard on New Year’s Eve:
February 18, 2017
Press Club senior, holding 7 oz. beer: Take a picture of me holding this. It’ll make my hands look huge!
Overheard in Starbucks:
February 18, 2017
Progressive female: Let’s take a moment of silence for all the women who have internalized misogyny.
Overheard on iMessage:
February 18, 2017
Sexually frustrated student: Is it wrong to be sexually attracted to your own bitmoji?
Overheard at the CJL:
February 18, 2017
Non-Jew: I haven’t blacked out since my Bat Mitzvah last year.
Overheard on Facebook::
February 18, 2017
Aspiring memester: Like my meme in the GroupMe or I’ll harm you emotionally.
Overheard in St. B’s GroupMe:
February 18, 2017
Anonymous user: Question is now that we have been featured in a wine night film, are we mainstream?
Overheard in Frist:
February 18, 2017
White sorority woman: Can we go to Olives? I’m craving chicken salad. I’m really into mayonnaise this year.
Overheard in CWR 302 with Claudia Rankine:
February 18, 2017
Nass editor, humbly: I was kind of okay with when she called me out for classism since she’s so famous.
Overheard on iMessage:
February 18, 2017
Terrace sophomore, reading through texts: I just have so many logistics to plan, like “I can’t have dinner tonight”, “Where are you?”, “How many white people are in Ivy?”
Overheard at a Pregame:
February 18, 2017
A’s member: I don’t know... through A’s I got to know a lot of theater people. A lot of Jewish people...
Overheard in Frist:
February 18, 2017
Nass sophomore: You text so many people.
Overheard on CNN:
February 18, 2017
Lindsay Lohan: Losing half of my finger and getting it back was one of the best things that happened to me.
Overheard underneath Chancellor Green:
December 11, 2016
Pious freshman: People deserve punishment, though; I mean we all deserve punishment.
Overheard in ANT 215:
December 11, 2016
Professor: I’m sure many of you have actually seen someone choking to death. Well, maybe not, I hope not.
Overheard in seminar:
December 11, 2016
Religion graduate student: Have you guys ever thought about queering the post office?
Overheard outside Frist:
December 11, 2016
WASP: My dad finally got a personal email. Now that it doesn’t have the CEO signature, I don’t even know if it’s him.
Overheard on Twitter:
December 11, 2016
Princeton History professor: I am generically attractive and play by the rules. How can this be happening to me?
Overheard in East Pyne:
December 11, 2016
Professor, to guest lecturer: Don’t worry, my students are less scary than the Taliban.
Overheard in Pyne:
December 11, 2016
Aesthete: I want my clothes to be like Helvetica. Minimum effort, maximum palatability.
Overheard in Patton Hall:
December 11, 2016
Senior lit-bro: I was actually thinking of going to a public restroom to shave my pubes because I didn’t want to shave them in ours.
Overheard in Rocky:
December 11, 2016
Freshman: I really want to hate-fuck my writing sem professor
Overheard in Berlind Theater:
December 11, 2016
Senior contemporary dancer, solemnly: I have a knot in my ass. From twerking.
Overheard in seminar:
December 11, 2016
Buff professor, on the English working class: They were hungry and fugly.
Overheard near 1903:
December 11, 2016
Woman, emphatically: OK, no, we talked about this, your parents are more Wall Street than my parents.
Overheard on the way from Cottage the U-Store:
December 11, 2016
Girl dressed in toga: In the past three days more of my calories have been from alcohol than from literal food.