OA veteran: Mandatory affinity group is segregation. That is literally the definition.
Secular folklorist: We should get one of those rooms with a shared bathroom.
Biblical muddlehead: Oh, you mean an Adam and Eve?
Slavic professor probing his students: I am being kind of a jerk here, but that's the point.
Chill-ass chiller, chillingly: Last night was such a fever dream. Everything happened yet nothing did.
Perceptive professor: So many things often feel accidental… like being gay or whatever. Or the Metamorphosis.
Elevator eunuch: I’m not very patient, but I’m also not a walker…especially upstairs.
Brave white woman: Can you stop talking, because I haven't liked anything you've said for the past hour.
Sedatephobic professor: If you’re not talking I’m going to keep talking. I fear a vacuum.
Dreamer: In my dream, my mom sliced my head open with a hammer/knife and then we were running around everywhere, and my head was just bleeding, and I was happy. I didn’t like it.
Beautiful, innocent, sweet, and doe-eyed brunette: Could I please have a steamed lemonade, stud?
Big-boned stallion man: Coming right up, sugartits.
Avid Nass reader: Be honest guys, do you ever make up verbatims?
Nass member: No, noooo….why would we ever do that?
Avid Nass reader, nodding pensively: Sometimes they’re just too funny to be true.
Former HUM student: I want to embrace the Russian tradition of suffering.
Promiscuous Freshman Bottom: Because when it's uncut the tip has a little tang to it.
Athlete, talking to a group of childless parents: That writing class…most important moment of your life, probably.
Fed-up frosh: If all the men here are assholes, they might as well be 6-foot assholes.
Well-meaning white girl: “I’ve never felt more, like, not around white people. Not bad, just different.”
Pretentious yoga enthusiast: I feel like if you have issues they're not of the mermaid variety.
Cloister Bro: Do you ever try to figure out if a guy is sexist before you date him?
Cloister Bro's Female Friend: If they're still talking to me after seeing "feminist" in my Twitter bio that's a good sign.
Disgruntled south campus resident: Every walk in Princeton is 3 minutes too long.
Student, talking to a potential English major: “Try the starving artist thing for a while, and if it doesn’t work out, you can always be a consultant!”
Staffer of Brotherly Love: “I know nothing about football except ‘Go birds.’”