Verbatim
Verbatims may be submitted to thenassauweekly@gmail.com.
Overheard in Terrace:
May 5, 2017
Sophomore guy: No, no, I’m not steampunk, I’m just bouncing off of steampunk.
Overheard at Bank Street:
May 5, 2017
Cap dude: Yeah, two people in my fraternity have lost their fingers.
Overheard in Georgetown:
May 5, 2017
Young woman: What’re you gonna get at AllSaints?
Young man: A blowjob.
Overheard in Pyne:
May 5, 2017
Ivy senior sadboi, at 1 a.m. after Sunday Funday: That’s how I feel about sadness—I’m really addicted to it but I don’t like it.
Overheard at a wedding:
May 5, 2017
Twenty-something female: And I’m like, I do not need to see your cervix. We’re not that close.
Overheard in Wilf:
May 5, 2017
Nass EIC: This hummus is godly.
Observant Jew: The Nass is not the Messiah.
Overheard on party bus:
May 5, 2017
Low-key humanitarian, high-key drunk: I went on one of those community service trips to Jamaica in college, but out driver hit a house, so we ended up rebuilding that one instead.
Overheard in an elevator:
May 5, 2017
Drunk girl in sequins: Only cool people allowed. Only people who like Lean Cuisine.
Overheard in Club Monaco:
May 5, 2017
Sophomore Theta with a fiber stomachache: I just love legumes, but I literally couldn’t even go to Olives anymore if I stopped eating them. I only eat legumes there.
Overheard in Rocky:
May 5, 2017
Large bearded man: You can’t be nervous in this world with an 18-inch cock.
Overheard in Butler:
May 5, 2017
Sophomore progressive: No one at Princeton is a Marxist.
Sophomore progressive 2: What about [redacted]? He suffers so much.
Overheard on Ivy patio:
May 5, 2017
Senior boy, on recent alum: Her entire life is a meta-commentary on the ills of humanity.
Overheard in CWR201:
May 5, 2017
Edmund White, on teaching at Brown: I mean, well... most of the students were Euro trash.
Overheard in Ivy:
May 5, 2017
Sophomore Pi Phi: What does WASP stand for? White, average-sized person?
Overheard in Patton:
May 5, 2017
Former Nass EIC: Journalism is imploding.
Overheard in Frist:
May 5, 2017
Sophomore Pi Phi: I only have one Google alert, and it’s for Mindy Kaling.
Overheard at the Woody Woo fountain:
May 5, 2017
Tall man: I guess cold brew is too much for me.
Overheard outside Frist:
May 5, 2017
Orange Key guide: Princeton Preview is a great chance to sleep with a student.
Overheard in Firestone:
April 29, 2017
Nass editor, Hamlet fan, pencil aficionado: 2B or not 2B...
Overheard at the Met Opera:
April 29, 2017
Desperate Austrian military general, using his best pick-up line: I can be virile in any alcove.
Overheard in Cafe Viv:
April 29, 2017
White COS major demonstrating with Google Earth: I’m trying to find a city. *zooms in on Africa* Oh no, let’s go to a more civilized location… *scrolls away*
Overheard at Terrace:
April 29, 2017
Terrace alum/community auditor, class of '61: The first thing I learned when I got to Princeton was that not all the goyim are dumb!
Overheard via iMessage:
April 29, 2017
DC wasp: I’m the hottest youngest person at the Chevy Chase Whole Foods.
Overheard in McCosh 50:
April 29, 2017
Cecily Strong: I'm actually not as badass as I looked on CSPAN.
Overheard in NYC:
April 29, 2017
Mudboy: I was like I'm sorry I can't go home with you. I have to finish the Prospect 11.
Overheard in Bank Street:
April 29, 2017
Senior Cap dude: I love those moments when you get distracted by your anger at the center left.
Overheard at Starbucks:
April 29, 2017
First-year girl: Is it weird that I am aroused by my own handwriting?
Overheard at Terrace:
April 29, 2017
Male, on professor: I hate him. He makes so many sexist comments. But I guess they don't directly affect me so it's fine.
Overheard at the Fields Center:
April 29, 2017
Ex-TI officer: if institutionalized sexism had six faces, it would be the grad board.
Overheard in the East Asian Library:
April 29, 2017
Pi Phi: Here are some things I care about but have done nothing about: gun control.