Schrödinger’s Pussy

February 17, 2017

Verbatim

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Overheard over Fall Break

Nass sophomore: I feel like Anne Boleyn would have loved Ivy.

Overheard in Butler

Disgraced (former) Nass Business Manager: Do you think a horse would even feel a human’s dick inside it?

Overheard in Frist

Sophomore boy: Took her to Mehek, ate out her fuckin’ asshole.

Overheard over Fall Break

Suburban mom: He wasn’t necessarily gay. He was just making a statement.

Overheard at a Pregame

Press Club member, with iPhone flashlight on: Sorry I was just looking at how many calories are in a beer.

Overheard on New Year’s Eve

Press Club senior, holding 7 oz. beer: Take a picture of me holding this. It’ll make my hands look huge!

Overheard in Starbucks

Progressive female: Let’s take a moment of silence for all the women who have internalized misogyny.

Overheard on iMessage

Sexually frustrated student: Is it wrong to be sexually attracted to your own bitmoji?

Overheard at the CJL

Non-Jew: I haven’t blacked out since my Bat Mitzvah last year.

Overheard on Facebook:

Aspiring memester: Like my meme in the GroupMe or I’ll harm you emotionally.

Overheard in St. B’s GroupMe

Anonymous user: Question is now that we have been featured in a wine night film, are we mainstream?

Overheard in Frist

White sorority woman: Can we go to Olives? I’m craving chicken salad. I’m really into mayonnaise this year.

Overheard in CWR 302 with Claudia Rankine

Nass editor, humbly: I was kind of okay with when she called me out for classism since she’s so famous.

Overheard on iMessage

Terrace sophomore, reading through texts: I just have so many logistics to plan, like “I can’t have dinner tonight”, “Where are you?”, “How many white people are in Ivy?”

Overheard at a Pregame

A’s member: I don’t know... through A’s I got to know a lot of theater people. A lot of Jewish people...

Overheard on CNN

Lindsay Lohan: Losing half of my finger and getting it back was one of the best things that happened to me.