I was wearing a woman’s bathrobe and galoshes, and had tied a scarf around my waist. I was too conscious of touch, by then, to wear regular clothing. But I needed to talk to Professor Litvak again, so I had to wear something.

“Got a man in Japan and a dude in Tahiti,
Believe me sweety I got enough to feed the needy.”
Lil’ Kim, “The Jump Off”

But reversion to infancy is normal in Ricky’s Candy, Cones & Chaos. “I had a kid in Morristown just standing with a rat in his mouth,” Jeff calls out to a couple perusing the gummy rodents. “Just standing there, the whole head in his mouth, gnawing on it. It’s this big!” He waits for me to look up. “This big!” he cries, holding his hands a foot and a half apart. “You get to see stupid things because people get stupid in here. You pick up just about everything.”

A couple Fridays ago, joined by the presidents of Kappa and Pi Phi, I spoke as the Theta representative at Take Back the Night. The evening was frantically managed, with speakers from what seemed like every organization on campus standing up to say that—surprise!—they were all against sexual ...

Prime Mover: Thanks for having Me.
Earthly Representative: It’s our pleasure. We’re really excited to have you here.
PM: Ah, no worries. I was here already.
ER: And, personally speaking, it is such an honor to meet you.
PM: Man, you already knew Me in your heart.
ER: Really?
PM: No, I’m joking. But we have met already.

John Cameron Mitchell’s new film Shortbus raises a lot of difficult questions. For example, if A is fellating B, B is fellating C, and C is fellating A, is A fellating C? Is A fellating himself? Because that is, as I have learned, possible with serious dedication to yoga ...

A man, Dave
A dog, Charlie
A woman, Alice

—no dialogue is audible—

The action opens on a bright sunny spring day on a residential street of a bustling city. Music: chipper.