__WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS__
Having been cryogenically frozen at the end of _Wall Street_, Kirk “Michael” Douglas has returned to wreak havok on this new, technologically advanced century with ’80s know-how and slick suspenders. As any movie buff would know, this premise is a direct rip-off of _Jason X_, the one where Jason kills people on a space ship instead of next to a lake.
The following was adapted from an excerpt of a Word document that may one day, by the grace of David Simon and the Holy Ghost, become a thesis. Amen. Graffiti, also referred to as street art or guerrila art, depending … Read More
Andrew Sullivan, a senior editor for _The New Republic_, knew his audience. He did not come to proselytize; the crowd at McCosh 50, he well understood, needed little convincing that gay rights deserve support. Instead, he led us between left … Read More
A little after eight o’clock on Friday night, I received my ticket for the Spring Dance Festival and fought my way through the throng of latecomers into the last available seat, slyly offered up by the crabby woman at the … Read More
This review will be biased. It will be biased for two reasons. One: there are few things in the world I would rather do than Bryan Greenberg. Two: I’m from New York. These are important biases because Greenberg plays the … Read More
Author’s Note: Around 90% of the text of this story is taken verbatim from Wikipedia articles on various famous Princeton alumni, after Kenneth Goldsmith’s lecture and seminar “Uncreative Writing.” If you are curious to know from which alumnus certain details … Read More
Dear Readers,
How pleased we are to have you! Come, come. Feel our warm, papery embrace. It is cozy in here, whether you use our pages for pleasure, insulation, or as toilet paper.
1. Do you raise your hand in precept before the teacher asks a question? a) Yes b) No 2. Do you play the piano in Frist? a) Yes b) No 3. Do you cover the salt and pepper, turn them … Read More
Dear Reader, Thank you for consenting to read our publication. We hope you enjoy this, our third issue; if you do, we advise you look for our longer-form theoretical work, _Hetero Doxy: Towards A Comprehensive Sexual Ethic_ (Zone Books, Fall … Read More
I’m not sure how your Valentine’s Day turned out—sappy and loaded with Stevia, I hope. As I write this, mine doesn’t seem to be beginning so well. It’s 12:33 am Sunday morning, and I’m watching _Zombieland_ with my fourteen year-old … Read More